Things not to do in a wafflehouse

(this is huskymax btw)

(1) yell “they lied! this isn’t a house made out of waffles!”

(2) bite the door and when they stare at you say “what? isn’t this house made out of waffles?”


(4) ask the chef for an autograph

(5) take a bite of waffle and roll on the floor like you’re dying

(6) put a cockroach on a person’s waffle and yell and point it out

(7) ask the waiter/waitress if they come there often



Things NOT To Do: Ordering A Pizza

Ah, Pizza. A fantastic treat everyone loves. But there can be good ways to get this treat, and very, very bad ways to get this treat. Here are those bad ways:

  • Start the conversation with “My call to (Pizza place) take 1..ACTION!)
  • Do not name the toppings. Spell them.
  • Ask for a Big Mac Extra Value Meal.
  • Tell them to put the crust on top this time.
  • Sing the order to your favorite Lady GaGa song.
  • Ask for a deal that’s being served somewhere else. (for example, if ordering at Domino’s ask about their Pizza Hut Meat Lover’s Special!)
  • Tell them to make sure your pizza is dead.
  • Order two toppings then say “No, they’ll start fighting.”
  • Learn how to properly pronounce the ingredients of a Twinkie, ask if they’ll put it in your pizza.
  • Have the pizza delivered to a rival pizza place.
  • Ask how many dolphins were killed to make that pizza.
  • Give the order while drinking something.
  • Ask if the pizza is homegrown.
  • State your order and say that’s as far as this relationship’s gonna get.
  • End your call by saying “This conversation never happened.”


Things NOT To Do: In An Elevator

Elevator rides can be exciting. But there are some weird people out there who get ideas in their head and have to pursue them. So before that happens to you: Things you shouldn’t do on Elevator ride (NO MATTER HOW INSANELY FUN IT SOUNDS.)

1.  Sell Girl Scout cookies.

2. Shave.

3. Offer name tags to people coming on.

4. When it arrives at your floor, try to push the doors open and when they open automatically, act like you did that. (“Finally I got them pushed open.”)

5. Do Yoga. ( “Alright everyone, now let’s do the eagle pose.”)

6. Bring a chair and sit down for the ride.

7. When you’re in a crammed elevator, moan “Oh not now motion sickness.” (Unless of course you really have motion sickness.)

8. Sing “Mary Had A Little Lamb” the entire way to your floor.

9. Leave a box between the doors.

10.  Ask each passenger if you can push a button for them and then push the wrong one.

11. Have a hand puppet and talk to each passenger through it.

12. Say “Ding ” at every floor. (“It was funny the first time man, but c’mon Kevin, we’re at floor 23, give it a rest!)

13. Lean against the button panel.

14. Dance to the elevator music. (“What Harold? This is is my jam.”)

15. Make explosion noises everytime someone presses a button.

16. Play twister. (“Right hand, green.”)

17. Pretend you’re a flight attendant and review emergency procedures. (“And at the time of danger, an oxygen mask will drop below. Thank you and enjoy your flight.”)

Okay, so maybe some of those would be fun, but still……..

Things NOT To Do: In A Hotel

1. When you go to the candy counter ask for everything.

2. Dress up as Santa and hand out gifts like yarn, tape etc. (“Yea, now that lump of coal is sounding good.”)

3. Take a nap of the front desk. (People won’t wanna check in or check out!)

4. Ask housecleaning for their autograph.

5. Call the front desk and to say Good Night.

6. Scream “OPEN SESAME” before sticking your room key. (Some things are only funny once)

7. In the  lobby, be in your swimsuit, lay on your stomach, and pretend to swim. (What a great way to greet visitors!!)

8.  Act out a scene from Twilight in the lobby. (“Hmm Harold, I didn’t think that’s what it meant when it said fun entertainment options.”)

9. When you go out of the elevator say “Teleportation is possible!” (Beam Me Aboard.)

10. Throw water balloons at people from the balcony.

11. Push every single button on the elevator.

Don’t do these: Enjoy your stay. Do these: Don’t be surprised if check out is being kicked out.

Things NOT To Do: At The Movie Theater

Movie theaters are for one thing: texting. I’m kidding but I’m serious. As we know though, there are certain things to do in a movie theater. These aren’t those things:

  1. During previews, shout out “COULD YOU PLEASE FAST FORWARD IT?!”
  2. Whenever there is a gunshot in the movie, yell “EVERYBODY GET DOWN!” and get down on the floor.
  3. Ask the usher “Come here often?”
  4. Give a standing ovation when the previews end.
  5. Cheer when there’s a sad part, and cry when there’s a happy part.
  6. Clap when a good guy gets hurt.
  7. Ask the people who walk in late for their autograph.

Don’t do those things and I’d say you’d have a good movie going experience unless you’re watching a lame movie. However if you do, then that’s the end of your film!

Things NOT To Do: At The Mall

Ah! The Mall! A great place to shop! It has a wide variety of stores and is like paradise to any shopaholic. It also is a great place to witness a stampede up close on Black Friday. But like everywhere, there are certain ways to act at a mall, and this isn’t the way:

  1. Ask mall cops what Paul Blart is like.
  2. Fall asleep on the mattress in the mattress store.
  3. At Christmas Time, ask Santa to sit on your lap.
  4. Stare at the static on the tv display and then ask the people walking by if they can see the hidden picture.
  5. Sprint up and down the escalator.
  6. When on the elevator say “I hope it doesn’t break this time.”
  7. Jump on the mattresses in the mattress store.
  8. Model the flea collars at the pet shop.
  9. Change every tv set in the tv store to Disney Channel and repeat the dialogue.

Don’t do those things and you’ll be sure to have a great day at the mall. If you do these things, don’t be surprised when you find out you’re on the mall cops’ most wanted list.

Things NOT To Do: At A Theme Park

Theme parks can be a fun family experience, however there are things that you can do at a theme park that could ruin the experience. Here are some examples:

  1. Scream “We’re all gonna die” during the ride.
  2. Talk about the last time you got stuck upside down on this ride loud enough that the 9 year old in front of (it’s there first time) can hear your long detailed description of the horror.
  3. Be interested in a game then 5 minutes later tell the carny you don’t have any money (Well actually, sometimes the carny deserves it but…………………………)
  4. Ask the food vendor how their product can be the “ice cream of the future” when it’s being served in the present.
  5. Yell out smile every time you walk past somebody who is taking a picture.
  6. Begin to cry when you’re on the merry go round so they have to stop it and then say you are too frightened to ride any longer.
  7. Ask the food vendors for their autograph.
  8. Advertise the theme park…the theme park you’re not at.
  9. Tell the guy in the seat next to you on the ride your life story.
  10. If they have a parade, randomly run into it and march with them like you’re part of it.
  11. If somebody tells you you can’t go on the ride turn to your buddy and say “I’m so sorry, but they said you couldn’t go on the ride.

Don’t do these things and I’m sure you’ll have a great vacation the whole family can enjoy. Do these things and well, tell your family I’m sorry.