Well, they say Friday’s the end of the world and I believe ’em. Trust me, I was a skeptic at first but then after analyzing the facts, I realized this year’s biggest events were proof that the end is near. Don’t believe me? Take a look at all the signs below and then tell me that the world won’t end in 4 days.
(P.S. The events are ranked by stupidity level. P.S.S. I still don’t really think the world will end Friday. P.S.S.S. I have nothing for this one, it’s just I thought I’d give P.S.S.S some glory because it never gets used )
4. Make like a banana and SPLIT! The Justin And Selena Breakup- This year was the end of many things, the end of Twinkies (get to that later), the end of Twilight, but these things can not compare to the sorrows that were given to the end of true love. Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez broke up this year. Truly sad. It’s a real shame. They were so cute together. But why’d they break up. Many say it was because Selena saw Justin with a Victoria’s Secret model at The Lion King. But really it wasn’t that he was with a Victoria’s Secret model. It was that Justin saw the Lion King without her. (NOTE: This fact has not been proven but it just sounds so stupid it may be true).
3. When Harry Met Sally..err..um…Taylor. HAYLOR MADNESS!- You know, a recent study has came out that has shown that those in a steady relationship will live longer which must be terrible news for Taylor Swift. Let’s face it, Taylor Swift has had a lot of failed relationships. And another one has begun. I’m not saying this won’t work out, I’m just saying…..I guess that’s pretty much what I’m saying. But who knows, this could be true love!….HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Anyway she’s now with lead singer of the popular boy band One Direction, Harry Styles. This was really a bad move on Taylor’s part. If she’s going to date Harry, 25 million billion trillion bagadazillion people will hate her, and if she breaks up with him and says bad things about him in her break up song, then 25 million billion trillion bagadazillion people will hate her. The best choice for her was just not to start.
You know I’ll bet you she’ll call the song “I Went In The Wrong Direction”. Or “You Weren’t My Styles”. OR maybe it’ll be a nice friendly break up and they’ll have a 1D, T-Swift collaboration and call it “We Used To Be Beautiful, But Now We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together.”
2. Will Work For Food Hostess goes bankrupt- You know the world will end when the only food made to survive the apocalypse is dead. Twinkies (as well as various other popular desserts) no longer exist because Hostess, the company that makes them filed for bankruptcy this year. It’s sad to think that this next generation is going to grow up and live their lives not knowing what a Twinkie is. They’ll never get to tasted that delicious cream filling. It’s quite sad.
Think of all the consequences that come with Hostess going bankrupt.
- The people who eat Hostess cakes will discover apples and strawberries are real foods, not just artificial flavors.
- Little Debbie will go to court for custody of Twinkie The Kid.
- Scientists may find out what is in a Twinkie.
1. The Tragic School Shooting The school shooting that took place in Newtown, Connecticut- This is where this otherwise supposed to be funny post takes a more serious turn, this is where we start to talk about a MAJOR issue that is more serious than a stupid celebrity couple or the loss of a snack food. This is an ACTUAL tragedy. If you hadn’t heard, 20 kids and 5 staff members were shot and killed at Sandy Hook Elementary School in Newtoqn, Connecticut. 20 children?!?!?!?!??!?!?! That’s 20 Christmases…..GONE! 20 kids that will never get to pursue their dreams, 20 kids that will never get to grow up, become a teenager, get a job, get a wife, and have children. 20 lives have been lost. 2o families have been affected by this. And that just makes me sick.
That’s all. See you next week.