Things You Don’t Wanna Hear During An Airplane Ride

  • On an ocean crossing flight: “This is your Captain speaking, I just wanted to take this time to remind you that your seat cushions can be used as floatation devices…”
  • “Hey folks, we’re going to play a little game of geography trivia. If you can recognize where we are, tell your flight attendant and receive an extra pack of peanuts.”
  •  “We’ve now reached our cruising altitude of 20,000 feet and …darn it!
  • “Our sudden loss of altitude allows a unique close up perspective of the local terrain. I assure you that it’s all part of our airlines new commitment to make your flight a sight seeing expedition.”
  • As the plane turns around right after takeoff: “… uhhhhh … We have to go back. … We… We… uhhhhhh …forgot something…”
  • “Aww, I can’t figure out how to turn this thing off and don’t worry, that gauge is always on ‘E’.”
  • “Ummmmmm … Sorry everybody …” (silence)
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