- On an ocean crossing flight: “This is your Captain speaking, I just wanted to take this time to remind you that your seat cushions can be used as floatation devices…”
- “Hey folks, we’re going to play a little game of geography trivia. If you can recognize where we are, tell your flight attendant and receive an extra pack of peanuts.”
- “We’ve now reached our cruising altitude of 20,000 feet and …darn it!
- “Our sudden loss of altitude allows a unique close up perspective of the local terrain. I assure you that it’s all part of our airlines new commitment to make your flight a sight seeing expedition.”
- As the plane turns around right after takeoff: “… uhhhhh … We have to go back. … We… We… uhhhhhh …forgot something…”
- “Aww, I can’t figure out how to turn this thing off and don’t worry, that gauge is always on ‘E’.”
- “Ummmmmm … Sorry everybody …” (silence)